I’m writing this here at 10pm on a Thursday. I worked, went to the Doctor. And can’t find the energy to do much else. For the last few years, I’ve been existing in the world of burn out. Of not enough time and not using the time I have wisely. Of pulling myself in different directions. I don’t feel stressed out but I can tell it’s starting to take its toll.
When I started this blog, I wanted it to be a place for me to pour myself and my crafts and my creativity into. I wanted to build a community of people to communicate with and enrich lives through color and whatever. But I lost sight of that. I got overwhelmed with seeing other people’s growth, perfect photography, and instagram feeds. I’m sure all of us can attest to that in one way or another.
There have been weeks where I haven’t wanted to touch the blog. I LOVE it and what it means, but I got so stressed over the idea that posts had to be perfect. Not only that, but that I had to put forth this idea of perfection. That being vulnerable had to be carefully crafted. That being too vulnerable meant fatigue. I’ve had so many ideas ruined by the idea that things need to be perfect and clean and bright white or having perfect SEO. Or because I do things once and don’t have the supplies to do it again and forget to take photos or whatever. Being broke and crafty sucks you guys!
The truth is, I’m none of those things. I’m messy. I hate cleaning my craft space. I maybe get half of my to do list done and I usually forget to shower. I have 2am crying sessions while watching musicals. I am not as organized as I used to be. I’m not as productive as I want to be. I’m in this weird stress cycle right now and it’s really shitty to tell the truth. Those little “blurbs” before each blog, while they are carefully crafted and definitely a reflection of me, they are not the full breadth of who I am.
I want to make a commitment to be more vulnerable with you guys. I’m trying to work on things slowly but surely to create a deeper connection… possibly send out an email or two – because that is a fear. I am so scared that I’ll spend so much time working on the perfect email and no one will read it, or my bounce rate or whatever will sky rocket…. because blogging has become such a numbers game.
So bear with me please. The blog is not going away but things might change around here and if you regularly read it, I wanted to give you a heads up.
PS: If you’re all the way down at the bottom of this and have read it, here is my current music obsession – Enjoy it.